MoNT's Wastebasket
by Ikedawg34
Summary: I am totally not Ikedawg43 and this is totally not a collection of all the terrible things that were rejected from A Man of No Tribe...


**AN: Yo what's up, I am totally not _Ikedawg43_. That dude is a cuck and a shitty Self-Insert Gamer-Fic writer, obviously, have you _seen_ MoNT? Ugh. **

**Here's some nice non-canon shit that would totally make that story better.**

* * *

**An Omake… probably**

It might have been his imagination playing hell with his nerves, but Jaune felt like he could feel the ground shake, not from explosions or from massive machinery stomping around, but out of _fear_. The fact that he was currently hiding under a table in his full battle armor didn't make him feel any better.

He watched the entrance of the tent nervously, going completely still as the light at the entrance shifted. Someone was approaching, and Jaune's blood ran cold. This was it for him. He had known that hiding would only save him for so long, but he still had prayed that he could have made it a little longer. His grip on Angau tightened till his knuckles went white, and he mentally braced himself for a painful death as the tent flap opened.

He let out a sigh of relief. It was just Raven.

She walked into the tent and walked right past his hiding place underneath the table without batting an eye, and for a moment, Jaune wondered if this actually wasn't the worst spot to hide. The tent _was_ dark, and with his new uniform in Raven's general color scheme of crimson and black, maybe he blended in well.

"Can I ask what you think you're doing?" Raven's voice called out from behind him nonchalantly, and _way_ too loudly for comfort.

"_Shhh!_" Jaune hissed back desperately. "I'm hiding from Yang." Like his life depended on it, too.

"Oh, I figured out _that_ part when I ran into Yang earlier," Raven called back. He could _hear_ her roll her eyes at him through her voice, but graciously, she did lower her voice. "Half the Tribe is hiding in their tents from her right now, and the other half have abandoned their posts altogether. What I meant was _why are you hiding in my tent?_"

"I'm hoping it's one of the last places she'll look for me."

Raven accepted that with a shrug, before taking a seat nearby on her cot. Jaune remained huddled under the table nervously, eyes on the door.

"You know that that's a horrible hiding spot, right?" Raven called out. "You were the first thing I noticed when I walked in the tent."

"Yeah, well, this spot has some other advantages," Jaune responded, flicking his eyes to Raven for a moment but not daring to take his eyes off the entrance for more than a few seconds. "For example, when she does burst in here, I can flip the table over and make a last stand."

Raven snorted. "Do you really think that table is going to save you?"

"No, but it might buy me a second or two to throw up a hail-Mary prayer to the Brothers. Or to Salem, or Ozpin. I'm not exactly picky right now."

"I didn't take you for the religious type," Raven quipped, doing a poor job at concealing her laughter at the pitiful state her apprentice was in.

"You don't know why Yang's angry," Jaune replied solemnly, guilt weighing on his words.

"Oh?" Raven cooed, enjoying taking the piss out of Jaune. "And what exactly did you do?"

"It…happened last night," Jaune began uncertainly. It was clear that he didn't really want to talk about it, but he also recognized that if he didn't, then no one would ever find out the cause for his impending death. A last confessional of the damned. "Yang and I were… uh… we were—"

"_Having sex?_" Raven supplied, rolling her eyes at the fact that the kid was still this easy to embarrass when he literally had nothing left to lose.

"Yeah. _That._" Jaune paused for a bit, collecting himself and also hyping himself up to actually admit what had happened, which only piqued Raven's curiosity more. "How did you know?"

"Call it a lucky guess," Raven drawled. Jaune's shoulders sagged in relief that they weren't loud enough to be heard from _literally_ across the forest, and Raven rolled her eyes. Seriously, the two of them were seventeen and were half-bandits, half-military combatants; it'd be a miracle if they weren't fucking any moment that they weren't working or sparring. She didn't even put it past them to try combining those activities. "Stop stalling. What'd you do to piss her off so badly?"

Jaune took a deep breath to prepare himself. Then another. It wasn't until after the third one that it became clear that he was accepting his imminent doom and, as such, it wouldn't matter what he confessed now.

"Okay, so I was hitting it from the back," Jaune started, stuttering for a moment when Raven choked out a laugh at Jaune's attempt to speak casually about this, "which is… pretty normal. Nothing, uh, nothing bad about that. The problem is that I have a death wish, apparently."

"What did you do?" Raven asked, morbidly curious just how much Jaune could have fucked this up.

"I honestly don't know what came over me," Jaune admitted, pausing for just a moment to appreciate the accidental pun contained there. "I got the idea in my head and just…couldn't say no to it."

"_Jaune._"

"I was really close to finishing, so… I pulled out and spit on her back," Jaune explained, his face contorting as he did so. "Then…when she turned around…"

"_No…_"

"She thought it was over, so I ambushed her…" Jaune explained with a wince. "Right in her face… and… _and in her hair_."

Ravens stared at Jaune dumbly, wondering if he was fucking with her, or if he was really that suicidal. A stupid grin was working its way over Raven's expression as she came to realize that the dumbass was telling the truth.

"A lot of it went in her hair," Jaune amended, cringing as he did so, and for good reason. In the short time they had been here, members of the Tribe had learned that you did _not_ mess with Yang's hair. Occasionally, Yang would let Jaune run his fingers through her hair, and on the few occasions that Jaune tried to tussle Yang's hair antagonistically, she left him with only minor injuries. It was a damn miracle Yang hadn't gone nuclear and destroyed half of Mistral by now. "M-Most of it went in her hair, actually."

"That might just be the stupidest thing you've ever done, and that's taking in to consideration the time you tried to murder _and then_ kidnap Ozpin's Maiden," Raven commented, still working through just how spectacular Jaune's blunder was. "How did Yang react at the time?"

"I… don't know."

"You don't know?"

"The moment I realized where it landed, I started running for my life," Jaune admitted, not the least bit embarrassed by this part. Raven could no longer help herself and was laughing at him hard. "The first bit hit her between the eyes and she had to keep them closed because of that. I was half-way across the forest before she ever even opened her eyes—hey, keep it down!"

Raven did not quiet down, her laughter at Jaune only sending her barreling over sideways onto her cot.

"Oh gods, that's—that's incredible," Raven wheezed out as she slowly calmed back down, wiping a tear from her eye. "I'm sorry, but I just _have_ to see this now."

"Sorry about wha—" Jaune cut himself off as he realized what Raven meant. She stood up and grabbed her sword. "_NOOO!_"

Raven cut a portal open in the middle of the tent.

"Found him," Raven called out into the portal.

Jaune jumped to his feet frantically, forgetting he was still under the table and smacking his head on the wood. By the time Yang jumped through the portal, he was in no position to resist whatsoever.

Yang didn't say a word, but her eyes locked on to his fiercely, staring down at him with an intensity that sent a shiver through his soul. He was about to have that soul beaten out of him, he just knew it.

"He's all yours, kiddo," Raven called out to Yang, before giving Jaune a smirk. Jaune looked up to her with the most heartbroken and betrayed look that Raven had ever seen in her life, but not even she wanted to interfere with Yang right now.

"_Let's go_," Yang hissed, grabbing Jaune by the arm with enough force to make Jaune wonder if it might actually pop. Another wave of horror shot over him when he realized what else Yang might want to strangle in poetic revenge, and in that moment, Jaune resigned himself to his fate. Maybe he could disassociate his spirit from his body before Yang got started.

Yang drug him out of the tent, and to Jaune's horror, she drug him into the woods away from the camp, going a decent ways into the forest without so much as a word. Whatever she had planned, it was gruesome enough that even in this state of mind, she wanted privacy to do it to him. Jaune's imagination wasn't actually capable of figuring out what sort of punishment could be _that_ bad.

The whole way, Jaune offered as many apologies as he could. Yang didn't so much as acknowledge them.

Apparently satisfied with how far they had gone, Yang whipped him around and slammed his back up against a nearby tree.

"_Do it again_," Yang hissed in his face, taunting and threatening him. Her eyes dug into him with an intensity he had only see from her the few other times she had tried to kill him, and Jaune held his hands up meekly.

"I-I'm sorry, Yang! I swear, it won't happen ever again—_oomph!_" Jaune was cut off as Yang brought her forearm up against his throat, pinning him harder against the tree.

"You're not listening," Yang growled, their faces inches apart. "I said. _do. it. again._"

"Wait, you…_want_ me to do it again?" Jaune asked, testing the words out very carefully. He suspected that this was some sadistic ploy to make him perform his sin again so that Yang could work up her rage to its peak once more, but doubt started to creep in. Yang nodded knowingly—excitedly, even—and suddenly that intensity in her eyes took on a whole new meaning to Jaune, who was floored by the revolution.

"Oh gods, did you…actually _enjoy_ that?" Jaune asked lowly, eyes staring forward blankly as he tried to wrap his head around what was going on. He didn't even realize that he wasn't staring at Yang's face anymore until he felt a tugging at his waist, and looked down to find Yang on her knees, unclasping his belt with an enthusiasm that startled Jaune.

One of the few fledgling thoughts Jaune could muster was that he might, quite possibly, have just experience the single largest change of luck in Remnant's history.

"Ugh, come on," Yang growled, displeased that there was an annoying abundance of malleability, though not for her lack of effort with her hands and mouth already. Yang's frustration definitely slipped through as she glared up at him, as if it was _his_ fault that she was sucking on the equivalent of a gummy worm when his body hadn't even caught up with what the hell was going on.

"Hey, don't blame me for not being ready! Until a few moments ago, I thought I was about to di—_uh, what are you doing?_" Jaune cut himself off in fear as Yang released sucction and stood up, glaring at him with intent. Jaune visibly flinched when her arms moved, but relaxed slightly when all they did was grab her top and lift it over her head, tossing to the ground behind her. Of all the things that Yang could have reacted to his snark with, getting naked was probably the on Jaune could most get behind.

Jaune flinched again when her hands reached out towards him, but was far too distracted by the two sights in front of him to avoid it. She grabbed him by the head and unceremoniously smashed his face between her boobs before Jaune even realized what was happening. Yang was all business, though, releasing his head and using her arms to smush the sides of her tits, pinning him in place—not that he made _any_ move to get out. For good measure, Yang grabbed him by his hair and pulled his face back, before shaking herself side to side to slap him repeatedly with her boobs.

It was over in about twelve seconds—though some of the best of Jaune's life, or so he would think, if his mind was capable of thinking of anything at the moment. Yang pulled back and gave Jaune a flat, expectant look.

"There. _Ready now?_" she asked extremely impatiently.

"Uh, Yang, you can't just…smack me with your titties and expect that to instantly do the trick…"

Yang looked down between them, before looking back up at Jaune and smirking.

"T-That could just be a coincidence."

Had there been an argument over it, Jaune probably would have lost, but Yang's goal was now in sight and her knees hit the dirt faster than anything Jaune had seen. Idly, he wondered if friction burn would be possible, and if it was, how bad could it really be with Aura?

He may have been right to worry, because Yang proved a woman on a mission, and with each passing minute, she would shoot Jaune an angry glare for being so selfish as to start lasting so long _now_, of all times. Nevermind that they'd fucked only a handful of hours earlier, or that Jaune was still stressed as hell and tense from hiding for his life earlier…

It was after the fifth minute of this that she really sent him a dangerous glare, letting him know just who she would blame if she was denied her prize. It made Jaune get defensive and say something that he knew was stupid, but Jaune was nothing if not someone who pushed boundaries.

"Don't look at me like that. Maybe if you weren't too good for this and had practiced more, you'd be better at it by now."

Jaune's world went black for a few moments, and it was as his vision was returning that he realized his cheek stung like hell. He slowly pieced together that, yes, Yang had just slapped him, and she had slapped him hard as shit. Jaune blinked rapidly and wiggled his jaw, trying to make sure that nothing was broken.

Idly, he noted that before the slap he had been no where near to climax, but now, he was starting to feel it building up. That… that _had_ to be a coincidence, right? Jaune Arc might joke about being a masochist, but surely he didn't _actually_ get off on pain…_right?_

"Do that again," Jaune let out breathlessly, earning a funny look and a head-tilt from the Yang-on-the-cob below him. He just had to know. It might explain so much about his poor life choices up to this point. "The slap. Do that again."

Yang was uncertain about it but obliged, reaching up and softly smacking Jaune's cheek.

"Harder, like that first one," Jaune commanded. Yang tried again and did hit harder, but nothing like the adrenaline- and anger-fueled first strike. Frustrated, Jaune pulled out all the stops, knowing just what button to push to make Yang angry. "I said _hit me, you whore!_"

Yang's eyes flashed red and then Jaune's world flashed black once more. And he got _closer._

"_Holy fuck_," Jaune let out under his breath. There was actually something to this.

"Do it again!"

Yang slapped Jaune again, but just not quite hard enough to get him off.

"Maybe Ruby will be better at this. I should try fucking her for a change—"

Jaune's world went black as Yang hit him from the other direction now, and it was all he could do to grab her by her hair and yank her off of him. She started to protest but stopped once she realized why he'd done it. That last slap had done him in. He blew his load blindly, leaving it up to Yang to catch it how she pleased.

Jaune slumped down to the ground, not even having opened his eyes. He wasn't sure he could. He wasn't sure he wanted to. That was an entirely difference experience than he'd ever had, and it had been incredible, way more so than it had any right to be.

"You two are fucking weird," Vernal's voice called out from somewhere nearby.

"Hey, don't knock it till you try it, Vernal," Raven's voice teased smugly.


End file.
